Sex // Purity // Lies
I have a lot to say and I'm not even sure if I am the one who should be saying it. To start off, I will admit that I am not the most qualified person to be discussing this topic, but I am tired of talking about how "something" needs to be done about it and then not doing anything about it. So what am I talking about? s-e-x.
Sex is taboo in our culture, but being taboo makes it talked about and makes it cool. The sexual revolution, feminism, the church and sex, birth control, abortion, the birds and the bees, and sex education are the topics I want to cover, but I don't think I can do that in one blogpost, so I'll start with what got me here.
Sex. The very word makes us good Christian girls shudder a little and avert our eyes, but it also allures us because we have not been taught enough about it in Sunday School or by our parents. If I am like most Christian girls, then Christian girls are taught that we are too avoid sex and anything leading to sex this could include, but is not limited to: blatantly sexual conversation, hand holding, kissing, kissing in public, secular dating, reading romance novels, watching chick-flicks, watching television in general, thinking about sex, and learning about sex. If I am like most Christian girls, then most Christian girls were taught that sex was for marriage and so it was important to wait until you were about to get married to really learn about the nitty-gritty (which really was anything that was not purely anatomical or perhaps even anatomical)
"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love"
"Damaged goods"
Aren't we all just damaged good? The problem is that just because we are damaged does not mean that we lack worth. The truth is that saying damaged implies that we have less worth. The connotation of damaged goods makes it sound as though nobody will want us. It makes it sounds as though if anybody does it's because we are cheaper (devalued) or we seem easier.
"Cheap and easy. You are a used car. You are torn paper. You are broken."
For the last couple of months, (perhaps because I just began college or because people my age are thinking about sex, purity, and marriage) I have seen a lot of articles about purity and marriage. I've seen a lot of articles trying to defend the "non-virgins", the "unpure" the "lost", the "broken", the "damaged goods", the "sexually deviant". The word that I don't hear thrown around a lot is "sinners".
It's not a label or a title or a condemnation. It is a statement of fact. I am a sinner. You are a sinner. We all are sinners. I think it's time someone said it like it really is. Jesus died for our sins and if we ask, He will forgive us of them. It is not a matter of forgiveness. It is a matter of healing.
We are broken. But not because we did one specific thing. We are separated from God because of our sins (all of them). We are all broken. It is not about one sin. The sin our generation and nation is obsessed with. The sin that has cursed generations and plagued our television sets. The sin that infects the minds of the next generation. The sin that Christian church is just now getting a foot in the door to fight. The sin that was ignored for years. The sin that was counted as a man's sin. The sin that is taboo. The sin that "good Christian girls" don't do. The sin that somehow devalues a girl. The sin that gives a man some character. The sin that we all pretend doesn't exist, yet only ten percent of people to be married are virgins.
"A woman is only considered virtuous if she is a virgin"
The honest truth is we are all damaged, but that doesn't mean we are less. We are all broken, but that does not mean we are not human. My brokenness (my separation from my savior because of my sins) does not devalue my humanity. I am still marriage material. As my lovely suitemate would say, "someone will wife you". Yes, wife is a verb at Baptist universities. And weddings are a daily conversation. The judgements are harsher and it makes writing this so much harder. Virgins are good and everyone else is a whore. Yet, I'm still here. I am still interested in becoming a good Southern wife. It's not the end of the world. I am not saying it is the best situation in the world, but it could be worse. I am not going to hell because I am not a virgin. I am not going to be single for life because I am not a virgin. I am not going to have to settle for someone less than Mr. Perfect because I am not a virgin.
"So she's a bit of a fixer upper" (Fixer Upper, Frozen)...
God sees us as His Children and He loves us, but are sin separates us from Him. Our sin breaks that bond. Jesus heals that brokenness because He died in our place. I'm sounding super "gospel-y" right now. The point is that it's not the end of the world. My life should be reflecting Christ and the truth is that we all fall apart sometimes. We should not be living a life of sin anymore. "Sin shall not be our master, we are not under the law, but under grace" (Romans 6:14). However, we are under grace now, which means He forgives us when we mess up. It is no longer a condemnation, but a reclamation.
We need to start talking about it because as we see time and time again, ignoring the problem does not make it go away. Confronting the problem head on is the only way to fight. I am not saying we need to accept it, but there is so much stigma and brokenness in the church stemming from this shame and doubt that is not from the Lord, but from the Christians who are supposed to support their brothers and sisters in the Lord. There is this fear of being seen as damaged goods instead of as a beautiful gift made in the image of the one and only creator. I can't guarantee that there will not be complications, but the way we have gone about this issue is to ignore it. We left it to Planned Parenthood to teach our children about contraceptives and schools to teach our kids about sex. It is not the job of the biggest abortion provider in the nation to teach our children that sex is okay, especially if the kids use their cheap contraceptives and abortifacients.
I am tired of putting up this perfect girl facade because of the threat that no one will marry me. I am tired of being told I am less so that other girls can feel that they are more. I am tired of being told I am broken. I am tired of being told I am beyond repair. I am tired of being damaged goods. Because regardless of my past mistakes I have THE creator of the universe to love me. Because I am not broken. People can tell me all day long that I am less and I am broken, but I am made whole again through Him. I am a new creation. "Whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come" (2 Cor. 5:17)
"Take my heart, Lord, Take and seal it, for thy courts above"
(Come Thou Font of Every Blessing)
Some of the blogs I've found about sex... (aka my inspiration and fire for actually sitting down and writing the words that had so long been floating around in my head as unvoiced passions, I do not agree with all of these... In fact, I severely disagree with some of these)
https://community.focusonthefamily.com/b/boundless/archive/2014/01/20/stop-worshiping-your-virginity.aspx
http://tailsoftabitha.blogspot.com/2013/12/three.html
http://chastityproject.com/2013/10/where-are-the-real-men/
http://www.thefulltimegirl.com/2013/12/04/ill-wait/http://returnofqueens.com/yes-virginia-our-vaginas-are-made-for-that/
http://iembracegraceblog.com/2013/12/19/beauty-for-ashes/
http://thoughtcatalog.com/amy-glass/2014/01/i-look-down-on-young-women-with-husbands-and-kids-and-im-not-sorry/
Sex is taboo in our culture, but being taboo makes it talked about and makes it cool. The sexual revolution, feminism, the church and sex, birth control, abortion, the birds and the bees, and sex education are the topics I want to cover, but I don't think I can do that in one blogpost, so I'll start with what got me here.
Sex. The very word makes us good Christian girls shudder a little and avert our eyes, but it also allures us because we have not been taught enough about it in Sunday School or by our parents. If I am like most Christian girls, then Christian girls are taught that we are too avoid sex and anything leading to sex this could include, but is not limited to: blatantly sexual conversation, hand holding, kissing, kissing in public, secular dating, reading romance novels, watching chick-flicks, watching television in general, thinking about sex, and learning about sex. If I am like most Christian girls, then most Christian girls were taught that sex was for marriage and so it was important to wait until you were about to get married to really learn about the nitty-gritty (which really was anything that was not purely anatomical or perhaps even anatomical)
"Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love"
"Damaged goods"
Aren't we all just damaged good? The problem is that just because we are damaged does not mean that we lack worth. The truth is that saying damaged implies that we have less worth. The connotation of damaged goods makes it sound as though nobody will want us. It makes it sounds as though if anybody does it's because we are cheaper (devalued) or we seem easier.
"Cheap and easy. You are a used car. You are torn paper. You are broken."
For the last couple of months, (perhaps because I just began college or because people my age are thinking about sex, purity, and marriage) I have seen a lot of articles about purity and marriage. I've seen a lot of articles trying to defend the "non-virgins", the "unpure" the "lost", the "broken", the "damaged goods", the "sexually deviant". The word that I don't hear thrown around a lot is "sinners".
It's not a label or a title or a condemnation. It is a statement of fact. I am a sinner. You are a sinner. We all are sinners. I think it's time someone said it like it really is. Jesus died for our sins and if we ask, He will forgive us of them. It is not a matter of forgiveness. It is a matter of healing.
We are broken. But not because we did one specific thing. We are separated from God because of our sins (all of them). We are all broken. It is not about one sin. The sin our generation and nation is obsessed with. The sin that has cursed generations and plagued our television sets. The sin that infects the minds of the next generation. The sin that Christian church is just now getting a foot in the door to fight. The sin that was ignored for years. The sin that was counted as a man's sin. The sin that is taboo. The sin that "good Christian girls" don't do. The sin that somehow devalues a girl. The sin that gives a man some character. The sin that we all pretend doesn't exist, yet only ten percent of people to be married are virgins.
"A woman is only considered virtuous if she is a virgin"
The honest truth is we are all damaged, but that doesn't mean we are less. We are all broken, but that does not mean we are not human. My brokenness (my separation from my savior because of my sins) does not devalue my humanity. I am still marriage material. As my lovely suitemate would say, "someone will wife you". Yes, wife is a verb at Baptist universities. And weddings are a daily conversation. The judgements are harsher and it makes writing this so much harder. Virgins are good and everyone else is a whore. Yet, I'm still here. I am still interested in becoming a good Southern wife. It's not the end of the world. I am not saying it is the best situation in the world, but it could be worse. I am not going to hell because I am not a virgin. I am not going to be single for life because I am not a virgin. I am not going to have to settle for someone less than Mr. Perfect because I am not a virgin.
"So she's a bit of a fixer upper" (Fixer Upper, Frozen)...
God sees us as His Children and He loves us, but are sin separates us from Him. Our sin breaks that bond. Jesus heals that brokenness because He died in our place. I'm sounding super "gospel-y" right now. The point is that it's not the end of the world. My life should be reflecting Christ and the truth is that we all fall apart sometimes. We should not be living a life of sin anymore. "Sin shall not be our master, we are not under the law, but under grace" (Romans 6:14). However, we are under grace now, which means He forgives us when we mess up. It is no longer a condemnation, but a reclamation.
We need to start talking about it because as we see time and time again, ignoring the problem does not make it go away. Confronting the problem head on is the only way to fight. I am not saying we need to accept it, but there is so much stigma and brokenness in the church stemming from this shame and doubt that is not from the Lord, but from the Christians who are supposed to support their brothers and sisters in the Lord. There is this fear of being seen as damaged goods instead of as a beautiful gift made in the image of the one and only creator. I can't guarantee that there will not be complications, but the way we have gone about this issue is to ignore it. We left it to Planned Parenthood to teach our children about contraceptives and schools to teach our kids about sex. It is not the job of the biggest abortion provider in the nation to teach our children that sex is okay, especially if the kids use their cheap contraceptives and abortifacients.
I am tired of putting up this perfect girl facade because of the threat that no one will marry me. I am tired of being told I am less so that other girls can feel that they are more. I am tired of being told I am broken. I am tired of being told I am beyond repair. I am tired of being damaged goods. Because regardless of my past mistakes I have THE creator of the universe to love me. Because I am not broken. People can tell me all day long that I am less and I am broken, but I am made whole again through Him. I am a new creation. "Whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come" (2 Cor. 5:17)
"Take my heart, Lord, Take and seal it, for thy courts above"
(Come Thou Font of Every Blessing)
Some of the blogs I've found about sex... (aka my inspiration and fire for actually sitting down and writing the words that had so long been floating around in my head as unvoiced passions, I do not agree with all of these... In fact, I severely disagree with some of these)
https://community.focusonthefamily.com/b/boundless/archive/2014/01/20/stop-worshiping-your-virginity.aspx
http://tailsoftabitha.blogspot.com/2013/12/three.html
http://chastityproject.com/2013/10/where-are-the-real-men/
http://www.thefulltimegirl.com/2013/12/04/ill-wait/http://returnofqueens.com/yes-virginia-our-vaginas-are-made-for-that/
http://iembracegraceblog.com/2013/12/19/beauty-for-ashes/
http://thoughtcatalog.com/amy-glass/2014/01/i-look-down-on-young-women-with-husbands-and-kids-and-im-not-sorry/
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