Unbelief // Belief // Apparent Sin
Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.
The words rattle hauntingly within me as I stumble helplessly through these most recent trials. Even after six months of not knowing how we will buy the next box of diapers or pay for the car insurance, I still feel that tickle of pride as we pay the bill or cook dinner. I feel that inkling of American ingenuity and self-reliance so ingrained in my thought process that I forget it is not me who gets me through each day. It's not by my sheer strength and will power that I do life. And so I pray to God to help my disbelief in his power and my belief in my pride. I believe that He can, but I don't always believe that He will. That is my struggle, my disbelief. My lack of faith is not in God's ability or power or even His goodness, but a disbelief in His activity on my life. My disbelief is in His actions.
Actions and appearances are so often all that we look at. Even in the church, even in the alter call, often we are not calling for a conviction of the Spirit for a sin problem, but for a conviction of the heart for an apparent sin problem. We are calling men to feel ashamed of their pornography addiction and not convicted of the adulterous spirit within them. We are calling women to feel convicted of their gossiping and not convicted of their covetous spirit. We are calling out the appearance of sin and not the spirit of rebellion. We are weed whacking instead of killing the root of the problem.
I think the devil is getting the upper hand on the way we deal with sin. I think he's beating us as a church body in the way we address sin problems because we are playing a game of catch up. We are putting out fire instead of preventing flare ups in the first place. We are administering first aid for a sin problem instead of preventative medicine. We are losing the battle with sin because we are addressing all the symptoms without addressing the illness. And it's easy. It's easy to say she has a problem with porn. It's easy to say he has a problem with gambling. It easy to say she drinks too much. It's easy to say he lies. But these are all the symptoms. These are all the manifestations, the sin apparent and not the root of the issue. The root is disbelief in God's power. The root is a love of something else more that we love God.
I look at the parable of the prodigal son. I see two sons with two sin problems. We see the son with the sin apparent and the grand repentance and then we see the son with this everyday mentality of pride and jealousy. We see the manifestation of sin and grace of reconciliation play out differently for the two sons. Our sin problem and God's grace don't always play out in a mountain top experience with overwhelming emotion and a moment of cleansing. Sometimes the resolution of our sin problem is a quiet moment of stillness between us and our Creator. It doesn't have to be anything more than an understanding between God and you. It doesn't have to be more than the simple utterance that God is sufficient and you are not. It is the simple declaration, " Lord, I believe, help my unbelief".
Our salvation and reconciliation is a love story played out in every imaginable way. It is His constant, persistent declaration of love and our fickle, misunderstanding of what that truly means. It is our belief that He loves us and our disbelief that He really and truly does love us. It is the story of one who wholly misunderstands love being explained and shown it for the first time. We are the victims of abuse by sin and Christ is showing us His steadfastness. We have loved a sin, we have loved a world that has not loved us back.
Our sin is pervasive and personal. It doesn't have to be apparent to anyone else but us. It can present itself in ways that appear wholesome and good. It can be a backhanded compliment that everyone received with joy but filed your heart with envy. It can volunteering because it fills your heart with pride.
How often do I look at the surface and see no apparent sin problem? How often do I assume I am not living in sin because there is not evidence of my sin on the outside? How often do I change my actions and assume that the internal struggle is over? My sin is not an external issue that is painstakingly obvious. My sin is a lack of faith that God will. My sin is a lack of belief. My sin is in the future. My sin is grasping at my future and believing the lie that it is mine for the taking. My sin is the belief that being a go-getter is all me. I can't control the color of my eyes or the way my dinner will interact with my body, but I still holdfast to the lie that the future is mine for the taking. I still believe that I get to control it. I take my faith and I believe in the present that he can and does, but my unbelief stretches out infinitely into the web of my future. I believe He is, but I have trouble believing that He will because I think that what I will is better than His plans. I think that my vision for my future is better than what He wills.
The words rattle hauntingly within me as I stumble helplessly through these most recent trials. Even after six months of not knowing how we will buy the next box of diapers or pay for the car insurance, I still feel that tickle of pride as we pay the bill or cook dinner. I feel that inkling of American ingenuity and self-reliance so ingrained in my thought process that I forget it is not me who gets me through each day. It's not by my sheer strength and will power that I do life. And so I pray to God to help my disbelief in his power and my belief in my pride. I believe that He can, but I don't always believe that He will. That is my struggle, my disbelief. My lack of faith is not in God's ability or power or even His goodness, but a disbelief in His activity on my life. My disbelief is in His actions.
Actions and appearances are so often all that we look at. Even in the church, even in the alter call, often we are not calling for a conviction of the Spirit for a sin problem, but for a conviction of the heart for an apparent sin problem. We are calling men to feel ashamed of their pornography addiction and not convicted of the adulterous spirit within them. We are calling women to feel convicted of their gossiping and not convicted of their covetous spirit. We are calling out the appearance of sin and not the spirit of rebellion. We are weed whacking instead of killing the root of the problem.
I think the devil is getting the upper hand on the way we deal with sin. I think he's beating us as a church body in the way we address sin problems because we are playing a game of catch up. We are putting out fire instead of preventing flare ups in the first place. We are administering first aid for a sin problem instead of preventative medicine. We are losing the battle with sin because we are addressing all the symptoms without addressing the illness. And it's easy. It's easy to say she has a problem with porn. It's easy to say he has a problem with gambling. It easy to say she drinks too much. It's easy to say he lies. But these are all the symptoms. These are all the manifestations, the sin apparent and not the root of the issue. The root is disbelief in God's power. The root is a love of something else more that we love God.
I look at the parable of the prodigal son. I see two sons with two sin problems. We see the son with the sin apparent and the grand repentance and then we see the son with this everyday mentality of pride and jealousy. We see the manifestation of sin and grace of reconciliation play out differently for the two sons. Our sin problem and God's grace don't always play out in a mountain top experience with overwhelming emotion and a moment of cleansing. Sometimes the resolution of our sin problem is a quiet moment of stillness between us and our Creator. It doesn't have to be anything more than an understanding between God and you. It doesn't have to be more than the simple utterance that God is sufficient and you are not. It is the simple declaration, " Lord, I believe, help my unbelief".
Our salvation and reconciliation is a love story played out in every imaginable way. It is His constant, persistent declaration of love and our fickle, misunderstanding of what that truly means. It is our belief that He loves us and our disbelief that He really and truly does love us. It is the story of one who wholly misunderstands love being explained and shown it for the first time. We are the victims of abuse by sin and Christ is showing us His steadfastness. We have loved a sin, we have loved a world that has not loved us back.
Our sin is pervasive and personal. It doesn't have to be apparent to anyone else but us. It can present itself in ways that appear wholesome and good. It can be a backhanded compliment that everyone received with joy but filed your heart with envy. It can volunteering because it fills your heart with pride.
How often do I look at the surface and see no apparent sin problem? How often do I assume I am not living in sin because there is not evidence of my sin on the outside? How often do I change my actions and assume that the internal struggle is over? My sin is not an external issue that is painstakingly obvious. My sin is a lack of faith that God will. My sin is a lack of belief. My sin is in the future. My sin is grasping at my future and believing the lie that it is mine for the taking. My sin is the belief that being a go-getter is all me. I can't control the color of my eyes or the way my dinner will interact with my body, but I still holdfast to the lie that the future is mine for the taking. I still believe that I get to control it. I take my faith and I believe in the present that he can and does, but my unbelief stretches out infinitely into the web of my future. I believe He is, but I have trouble believing that He will because I think that what I will is better than His plans. I think that my vision for my future is better than what He wills.
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