Leaving // Home // Growth
“Will you be going back to Houston in the fall?"
Last night my mother asked me the pending question, the one that has consumed me.
"I will pray about it," I responded to my mother knowing I have until the end of summer to decide. My voice was steady, though the response still sounded like a question (every response sounds like a question because of my extreme indecision matched with a distaste for being wrong). A year ago, when I was making my decisions about college, I was a nervous wreck, there were tears when I opened my letter of acceptance, tears when I was on the airplane flying over Texas headed to my future school, tears as I sat in Belin chapel watching Rec Team perform skits, tears as I laid in the motel that doubled as a brothel (which I didn't know at the time) just blocks from the university, and tears on the three-day drive with my family and everything I owned to a strange state when I had only ever lived in one house my entire life. As spoke on the phone last night, my voice was steady, my hands were still, my eyes were dry, and I was at peace. The tears did not come because though important, the decision will not change who I am. This past year has been full of growth and the reason it has been so beneficial is that I am at Houston Baptist University. I learned a lot this year about things that I should not have had to learn. I learned about boys and parties and work and time management. I learned how to pray and how to fall in love (with my creator).
I am leaving Houston Baptist University. I am leaving my home for three months and the separation will be anguish. I am leaving my home and returning to my hometown. San Diego has ceased to be my home and transformed into my hometown. It is just the place where I grew up and not my home. In a matter of months, I have fallen in love with a school in a city for which I have a passionate dislike. In a matter of months, I have fallen in love with a school in a state for which I have no pride. In a matter of months, I have fallen in love with this school because I see what an effect it has on its students and its community.
Over the past year, I have fallen in love. I have fallen in love with this school. I have fallen in love with Jesus. I have fallen in love with people. My prayer this past year has been "break my heart for what break yours. Everything I am for you kingdom come." All those years I had been seeking Christ with my mind, but not my heart. A year at Houston Baptist and I have seen more people in love with God and on fire for His will than I have ever seen. Even in those who are not saved, God works through them to affect the community and to do good for His kingdom. He changes hearts here and directs our paths. He changes the hearts of the believers, stirring within them a desire to further the kingdom and be a part of the spiritual battle of which most Christians and non-Christians alike are unaware. He changes the hearts of the unbelievers, revealing the work of His kingdom here on earth through my school. Most private Christian universities justify their high tuition with babble about kingdom building and mandatory chapel credits. My school may do the same, but I see Him working in the students and I see the wonderful plans He has for the students here. I am going to school with the future leaders of the church. The students here are going to be missionaries to unreached peoples, politicians who want to change the face of the nation, doctors and nurses who put patients above the paycheck, and lawyers who value justice in the way it should be. At Houston Baptist, they are educating the youth who will change the face of the Church. If there is revival coming, it will come from a place like this.
When I first started making plugs for this university, I did not think I would stay the semester, but that was the first few weeks of fall semester. When I unpacked my things before Welcome Week, I like many students here thought this would be a half-way home before a real university. I thought this would be a resting stop, not a destination. I thought this would be a temporary fix, a temporary home. Eight months and a semester full of interesting stories and big mistakes later, I am in love with this school. I did not think I would last a semester and now I am probably going to be here for another five years. I am an indecisive person, but staying here is one of the few things of which I am sure. I did not have to move fifteen hundred miles away from my family to get the distance to grow into my own faith. I did not need to go to a school I had never heard of in a state I had visited only a handful of times. I did not need to have a rebellious spirit first semester and fight His will on every little choice. I did not need to, but I did, and I am a better person for it.
I told my mother, "I will pray about it," and that in itself was all the evidence I needed to know that Houston Baptist has molded me into the person I am today. A year ago, I would have cried about the decision. A year ago, I would have been a nervous wreck. A year ago, I would not have prayed about it. The effect on my spiritual life and the way I interact with others is proof enough for me that Houston Baptist is good for me. I cannot wait for the next few years at the school to see what ways God will use my life and how He will mold this campus and these students to be a light for this country in its twilight.
Last night my mother asked me the pending question, the one that has consumed me.
"I will pray about it," I responded to my mother knowing I have until the end of summer to decide. My voice was steady, though the response still sounded like a question (every response sounds like a question because of my extreme indecision matched with a distaste for being wrong). A year ago, when I was making my decisions about college, I was a nervous wreck, there were tears when I opened my letter of acceptance, tears when I was on the airplane flying over Texas headed to my future school, tears as I sat in Belin chapel watching Rec Team perform skits, tears as I laid in the motel that doubled as a brothel (which I didn't know at the time) just blocks from the university, and tears on the three-day drive with my family and everything I owned to a strange state when I had only ever lived in one house my entire life. As spoke on the phone last night, my voice was steady, my hands were still, my eyes were dry, and I was at peace. The tears did not come because though important, the decision will not change who I am. This past year has been full of growth and the reason it has been so beneficial is that I am at Houston Baptist University. I learned a lot this year about things that I should not have had to learn. I learned about boys and parties and work and time management. I learned how to pray and how to fall in love (with my creator).
I am leaving Houston Baptist University. I am leaving my home for three months and the separation will be anguish. I am leaving my home and returning to my hometown. San Diego has ceased to be my home and transformed into my hometown. It is just the place where I grew up and not my home. In a matter of months, I have fallen in love with a school in a city for which I have a passionate dislike. In a matter of months, I have fallen in love with a school in a state for which I have no pride. In a matter of months, I have fallen in love with this school because I see what an effect it has on its students and its community.
Over the past year, I have fallen in love. I have fallen in love with this school. I have fallen in love with Jesus. I have fallen in love with people. My prayer this past year has been "break my heart for what break yours. Everything I am for you kingdom come." All those years I had been seeking Christ with my mind, but not my heart. A year at Houston Baptist and I have seen more people in love with God and on fire for His will than I have ever seen. Even in those who are not saved, God works through them to affect the community and to do good for His kingdom. He changes hearts here and directs our paths. He changes the hearts of the believers, stirring within them a desire to further the kingdom and be a part of the spiritual battle of which most Christians and non-Christians alike are unaware. He changes the hearts of the unbelievers, revealing the work of His kingdom here on earth through my school. Most private Christian universities justify their high tuition with babble about kingdom building and mandatory chapel credits. My school may do the same, but I see Him working in the students and I see the wonderful plans He has for the students here. I am going to school with the future leaders of the church. The students here are going to be missionaries to unreached peoples, politicians who want to change the face of the nation, doctors and nurses who put patients above the paycheck, and lawyers who value justice in the way it should be. At Houston Baptist, they are educating the youth who will change the face of the Church. If there is revival coming, it will come from a place like this.
When I first started making plugs for this university, I did not think I would stay the semester, but that was the first few weeks of fall semester. When I unpacked my things before Welcome Week, I like many students here thought this would be a half-way home before a real university. I thought this would be a resting stop, not a destination. I thought this would be a temporary fix, a temporary home. Eight months and a semester full of interesting stories and big mistakes later, I am in love with this school. I did not think I would last a semester and now I am probably going to be here for another five years. I am an indecisive person, but staying here is one of the few things of which I am sure. I did not have to move fifteen hundred miles away from my family to get the distance to grow into my own faith. I did not need to go to a school I had never heard of in a state I had visited only a handful of times. I did not need to have a rebellious spirit first semester and fight His will on every little choice. I did not need to, but I did, and I am a better person for it.
I told my mother, "I will pray about it," and that in itself was all the evidence I needed to know that Houston Baptist has molded me into the person I am today. A year ago, I would have cried about the decision. A year ago, I would have been a nervous wreck. A year ago, I would not have prayed about it. The effect on my spiritual life and the way I interact with others is proof enough for me that Houston Baptist is good for me. I cannot wait for the next few years at the school to see what ways God will use my life and how He will mold this campus and these students to be a light for this country in its twilight.
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