Bride // Groom // Imitation
Milton talks about people being called to marriage. The church says people
are called to celibacy. I’ve been reading blogs about how God doesn’t pick out
a specific person for us. I’ve read blogs about how God doesn’t call us to
marry someone specific. I’ve been reading blogs about how God calls people to
their spouses. The deism that has casually become a proactive God who is only
involved in the parts of our lives that we want Him to, is not an accurate
portrayal of the God of the Bible. The God who loves us passionately. The God
who pursues us. The God who knit us together in our mother’s womb. The God who
has plans for us.
Being a nineteen year old bride, I feel the need to defend myself more than the average bride. From those who matter, I have support. From those who simply peek into my life and desire a say in my choices, I do not care if I have support.
I am not jaded in my understanding of marriage, I do, however, maintain an ideal, a model, that will not be obtained. I know real marriage is dirty, it hurts, it's hard. Ideally, we wouldn't feel anything bad, but we do. In order to be prepared, we must examine good examples and recently, as I prepare for marriage, I examine the model, the ultimate image of what marriage is: Christ and the church. As I examine further, what that relationship really looks like, I realize the roots for my tradtionalism really does come from the ultimate example of pursuit and unity. The initial similarities are obvious, but there are many nuances that are involved in this image of the ideal marriage.
The Pursuit
Christ came down for us. He woos us and wants us. He desires our love and asks us to join him. He, however, respectfully pursues us. He does not force us to love him, but he loved us first. The man pursues the women. He loved us first, so that we could love Him. It is the epic romance. He came down and sacrificed everything for us. He separarted from His family for us. For the first and last time ever, there was that utterly terrifying moment, those breath-taking three days that the trinity was separated and Jesus harrowed hell. He came and he saved us. Not only does He love us, does He sacrifice for us, but He also saves us. We are worth the hero. We do not need to settle for less, for imitations because there is a true, sacrificial love. The groom pursues the bride. He is the one who takes the initial risk. Christ committed the ultimate sacrifice. He didn’t just sacrifice his pride, as most men sacrifice, but he sacrificed his life for us.
The Love
“Love is patient. Love is kind”. “Perfect love casts out fear”. The love is selfless and good. Not only is love that 1 Corinthians 13 love, but it is also something that casts out fear; it brings peace. The peace that passes understanding. The overwhelming peace is beautiful. When we meet our groom, it should not be one of those whirlwind romances that cause a flurry of emotions that limit our ability to recognize what is good and reasonable. Our groom should leave us feeling at peace with our choices. I am not saying it should not be passionate. The Passion of Christ is the ultimate example of passion, but our passion should not blind us.
The Proposal
He comes to us with a love letter that entices us, invites us to a life with Him. He proposes a life, an eternity with Him. He asks, but we must reply. We must reply. We must choose. To choose is to become subservient. It is not, however a slavery. It a willful service out of love. When a husband proposes to his wife, it is a question. She has the power to say no, but the love entices her. He woos her and she chooses to love him for her whole life. He chooses her first, then she chooses him. She chooses to be subservient to him for her whole life. She chooses to put him first. We choose to put Him first.
The Wedding
We spend out whole lives preparing for one day. Christians work hard towards one goal: conversion. However, it is the maintenance of the relationship, the marriage, not the wedding that we are preparing for. The Christian walk is an engagement, a promise of forever with the opportunity to prepare. In the same way, we need to prepare for marriage and learn that we must focus on the long-term, not the short-term of a one day ceremony.
The Consummation
Works before are in vain. They are selfish. They are sinful. It is not that we cannot gain from these works, but they will not benefit us. They simply help us understand what is not the prefect relationship. They help us learn, but learn the hard way. In Christ and the church, these are good works, but if these works are not for God, they are in vain. The vanity is greater than simply not producing, but the production is not good fruit. In the same way, outside of the context of marriage, those works that are within marriage productive are vain outside of marriage. Sex ouside of marriage is vain, selfish and sinful. That beautiful love physically expressed through the becoming one flesh which produces children and love. There is a passion and a bonding.
Being a nineteen year old bride, I feel the need to defend myself more than the average bride. From those who matter, I have support. From those who simply peek into my life and desire a say in my choices, I do not care if I have support.
I am not jaded in my understanding of marriage, I do, however, maintain an ideal, a model, that will not be obtained. I know real marriage is dirty, it hurts, it's hard. Ideally, we wouldn't feel anything bad, but we do. In order to be prepared, we must examine good examples and recently, as I prepare for marriage, I examine the model, the ultimate image of what marriage is: Christ and the church. As I examine further, what that relationship really looks like, I realize the roots for my tradtionalism really does come from the ultimate example of pursuit and unity. The initial similarities are obvious, but there are many nuances that are involved in this image of the ideal marriage.
The Pursuit
Christ came down for us. He woos us and wants us. He desires our love and asks us to join him. He, however, respectfully pursues us. He does not force us to love him, but he loved us first. The man pursues the women. He loved us first, so that we could love Him. It is the epic romance. He came down and sacrificed everything for us. He separarted from His family for us. For the first and last time ever, there was that utterly terrifying moment, those breath-taking three days that the trinity was separated and Jesus harrowed hell. He came and he saved us. Not only does He love us, does He sacrifice for us, but He also saves us. We are worth the hero. We do not need to settle for less, for imitations because there is a true, sacrificial love. The groom pursues the bride. He is the one who takes the initial risk. Christ committed the ultimate sacrifice. He didn’t just sacrifice his pride, as most men sacrifice, but he sacrificed his life for us.
The Love
“Love is patient. Love is kind”. “Perfect love casts out fear”. The love is selfless and good. Not only is love that 1 Corinthians 13 love, but it is also something that casts out fear; it brings peace. The peace that passes understanding. The overwhelming peace is beautiful. When we meet our groom, it should not be one of those whirlwind romances that cause a flurry of emotions that limit our ability to recognize what is good and reasonable. Our groom should leave us feeling at peace with our choices. I am not saying it should not be passionate. The Passion of Christ is the ultimate example of passion, but our passion should not blind us.
The Proposal
He comes to us with a love letter that entices us, invites us to a life with Him. He proposes a life, an eternity with Him. He asks, but we must reply. We must reply. We must choose. To choose is to become subservient. It is not, however a slavery. It a willful service out of love. When a husband proposes to his wife, it is a question. She has the power to say no, but the love entices her. He woos her and she chooses to love him for her whole life. He chooses her first, then she chooses him. She chooses to be subservient to him for her whole life. She chooses to put him first. We choose to put Him first.
The Wedding
We spend out whole lives preparing for one day. Christians work hard towards one goal: conversion. However, it is the maintenance of the relationship, the marriage, not the wedding that we are preparing for. The Christian walk is an engagement, a promise of forever with the opportunity to prepare. In the same way, we need to prepare for marriage and learn that we must focus on the long-term, not the short-term of a one day ceremony.
The Consummation
Works before are in vain. They are selfish. They are sinful. It is not that we cannot gain from these works, but they will not benefit us. They simply help us understand what is not the prefect relationship. They help us learn, but learn the hard way. In Christ and the church, these are good works, but if these works are not for God, they are in vain. The vanity is greater than simply not producing, but the production is not good fruit. In the same way, outside of the context of marriage, those works that are within marriage productive are vain outside of marriage. Sex ouside of marriage is vain, selfish and sinful. That beautiful love physically expressed through the becoming one flesh which produces children and love. There is a passion and a bonding.
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