Home // Church // Part 3

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.


Acts 20:24


When I've read this verse in past it has inspired me to finish off a season of water polo when I was ready to grab a towel and dry-off. I heard this verse today and it gave me peace. I heard this verse and it reminds me of the one other time in my memory when I had to quit something. My freshmen year in high school I stopped diving halfway through the season because I was absolutely terrible and I decided to focus on my swimming career instead. It was the first time I ever quit anything ans I was not at peace with it, but I did the right steps. I talked to my coach and we both decided that was the right decision.


This not at all like eight years ago This time, I am at peace with it because my ministry at that church has gone past completion. I've finished this ministry and I am so grateful for all of the opportunities to serve that God has given me at that church. The hardest part for me was resigning from my volunteer position at Awana. There were tears shed for that more than anything because it was something that I have always had an emotional connection to and I poured so much into that ministry. I hesitated. I took to long to resign. I overstayed my welcome.


I listened to a podcast by John Piper (yes, that's a link). It was not a podcast that I thought spoke anything into my life. It was about having elementary school aged children in "big church". While I believe there is a huge importance for children's church, when done properly, but the words he spoke revealed something much bigger that I am craving. He said it better than I ever could, duty is not a good enough reason to be a part of a worship service. This is why I am saying "no". I have never been good at saying no. I hate the feeling of disappointing others. But sometimes it is necessary to say no.


"We approached Sunday morning worship hour in my 33 years in the pastorate with tremendous seriousness and earnestness and expectancy. And don’t hear those words as contrary to joy. Think serious joy. Think deep joy. We were and are a happy people at Bethlehem. We tried to banish, however, all that is flippant and trivial and chatty and chipper."


"The greatest stumbling block for children in worship is parents who don’t cherish doing that worship. They don’t love it. Children can feel the difference between duty and delight. They know if dad loves being here. So, the first and most important job of a parent is to fall in love with the worship of God. Any sense of being there out of duty or being forced to or some other reason besides I love being here, kids know that and they will hate it just like you do, deep down."





"Authentic, heartfelt worship is the most valuable thing in human experience"


"There is a sense of solemnity and awe which children should experience in the presence of God. They should sense this is a sacred moment, a sacred place. This is not likely to be happening in children’s church. And unfortunately it is not likely to happen in many adult services that put a high premium on horizontal chatter, chatter, chatter rather than vertical joy. The aim is to awaken them to the greatness and majesty of God, not just his tenderness and familiarity."


If our presence is not out of praise, but out of obligation, we are missing out on God's design for church, fellowship, and friendship. We are missing out on His Hold design for us. We should find the uptmost joy in worshiping our creator. If we are missing out on this, something has to change.





This call to change was leaving the church in search of meaningful worship. I crave communion. I crave this way of worship that he is describing here. This communal time that is so passionate that is exudes joy and worship.






I want him to develop a love for worship at an early age. I want him there to be an innate desire to worship his creator. I want for it to be natural, like breathing air. I want my children to grow up with a sense of awe and delight when it comes to worshiping God. I want them to feel his presence. I want them to see how we worship and imitate it.





In order for this to happen, I have to learn to say no sometimes. I have to find a church where I can be proud to take my family and our friends. The church needs to be a home where we can worship without shame and with reverence. That is something the past year has been missing. I was not confident in worshiping. It was an obligation and a chore, not a joy. I dreaded Sunday mornings because it felt like a waste of time. The sermons were empty carbs when I should have been getting a full, balanced meal. Sermons and worship should be an intense experience that causes you to leave prepared for a week full of worshiping God. I wasn't being fed. I left with feel-good feelings, but there was nothing of substance. Within a few hours I was dissatisfied, I wanted more than just buzz words and vague instructions. I wanted depth. Sunday mornings should be something more than I get in my morning devotionals.


When it gets to this point, I have an obligation to say "no". Whether I was called out of the church or kicked out or pushed out or just simply decided to leave, the moment that I knew I was not staying at that church long term, I was under obligation to begin withdrawing from ministries. I am not under this obligation because the church left a bad taste in my mouth. I am under obligation because of a love for God and for His church. When we are called away from a church, in whatever form that calling comes, then we must allow for them to grow on their own. It's hard to step back, but it will allow both the church and me to grow. It is stepping back and allowing God to work in the church. It is trusting that when God is calling us away He is calling someone else towards that church. It is trusting that God provides, that he is all powerful, and that he has a plan. It's taken about a month and a half to fully step back, but I felt at peace and confident in each ministry I stepped back from because my mission there was completed.


I have never been good at saying "no", but I have to because the best for that church and the best for my family is yet to come.


That church awakened the call to ministry for husband and I. That church taught me to love and trust others. That church was a stepping stone for the bigger things God has planned. That church reminds me that the best is yet to come. The next church will bring us closer to that climax. The next church will help us become more Christ-like. The next church give us a bigger taste of heaven than that church. The next church will be a little closer to what it will be like to worship in his presence. The best is yet to come and I cannot wait.