Pregnancy // Life // Affirmation
In the pro-life community we talk all the time about what is life affirming and about the sanctity of life. To be honest, not all on my actions have been as life affirming as I would have liked in the past. I am currently thirty-two weeks pregnant, but if you were to have talked to me thirty weeks ago, I was a mess. I did not value my child as I should have. Perhaps it was because I didn't feel pregnant. It wasn't until that first ultrasound when we heard our child's heartbeat for the first time that I truly accepted that there was life inside of me. Before that, I knew I was pregnant and I knew life began at conception, but it didn't feel real. I couldn't feel my child thriving inside of me. I can't imagine going back to that time because for the first few weeks (for almost two months) I didn't love my child the way I should have. I didn't love him like he deserves because I didn't acknowledge his existence.
One of the popes (no I'm not Catholic. I think I'm supposed to capitalize Pope?) said that babies are never a mistake. That fact was lost on me in the moment because for a moment I, like so many people, was having trouble separating the sin, the consequence, and the blessing. Pregnancy is often too quickly intertwined with accidents of mistakes, even within the bonds of marriage. Couples who elect to not use birth control or decide to have their first child within the first few years are often questioned of their sanity, and when they finally do conceive, the whispers or very blatant question that very commonly slips from the uncouth lip: "Was it on purpose?" A child is a blessing and I think we all forget that.
The most common incident of this lapse is in the first trimester of pregnancy. We do not honor life the way it deserves to be honored. Mothers of all political and religious associations alike avoid announcing their pregnancies during this fragile first stage of pregnancy. We do not rejoice in the season of life, but whisper excitedly about the possibility of a child coming into this world. The same women who advocate for life beginning at conception are the ones who for three months hold their breath and hold their tongue about the miracle growing inside them. Why is it that we do not partake in these joyous months with all of our friends and family? Because we fear. We fear the unknown. We fear the loss of our child. So, we avoid it. We pretend for those three months that she is not growing inside of us with her beautiful little fingers and her fluttering little heart. For three months, we keep him a secret from the world out of an intense fear that this joyous occasion may not result in holding him in our arms and hearing his cry, but instead result in our tears and a baby who never got to see the world outside our womb.
Miscarriage is not something we often talk about because it's painful. For those who have never had a miscarriage, it is uncomfortable and also, sometimes painful. But these women are left to mourn quietly, if they allow themselves that luxury at all. Not acknowledging pregnancy during the first three is one of the biggest mistakes a woman in the pro-life community can make because she is doing herself, other women, and the unborn an injustice. Where we fight for every week and every day of life during gestation, we also hide life in it's most beautiful and delicate state. We encourage women who had abortions during their first trimester to mourn the loss of their child. In the same way, it is time for us to mourn the loss of those other children who are lost before twenty weeks. In Texas, it is legal to abort a baby before twenty weeks. Twenty weeks is generally accepted as the marker for viability. After twenty weeks, any child inside the womb that dies is a stillbirth child, and it is not a miscarriage. After twenty weeks, in the eyes of the Texas law and in the eyes of medical professionals, the baby is not of worth because it has a higher chance of survival outside of the womb.
If we advocate from life from conception, but do not announce are pregnancies until the second trimester aren't we doing a disservice to the sanctity of the life of that child during that time? Are we some how marginalizing the loss of the child? Do we allow ourselves to fully mourn? If we do not celebrate the life, how can we mourn the death? If we do not acknowledge our babies for those three months, are we valuing their lives?
One of the popes (no I'm not Catholic. I think I'm supposed to capitalize Pope?) said that babies are never a mistake. That fact was lost on me in the moment because for a moment I, like so many people, was having trouble separating the sin, the consequence, and the blessing. Pregnancy is often too quickly intertwined with accidents of mistakes, even within the bonds of marriage. Couples who elect to not use birth control or decide to have their first child within the first few years are often questioned of their sanity, and when they finally do conceive, the whispers or very blatant question that very commonly slips from the uncouth lip: "Was it on purpose?" A child is a blessing and I think we all forget that.
The most common incident of this lapse is in the first trimester of pregnancy. We do not honor life the way it deserves to be honored. Mothers of all political and religious associations alike avoid announcing their pregnancies during this fragile first stage of pregnancy. We do not rejoice in the season of life, but whisper excitedly about the possibility of a child coming into this world. The same women who advocate for life beginning at conception are the ones who for three months hold their breath and hold their tongue about the miracle growing inside them. Why is it that we do not partake in these joyous months with all of our friends and family? Because we fear. We fear the unknown. We fear the loss of our child. So, we avoid it. We pretend for those three months that she is not growing inside of us with her beautiful little fingers and her fluttering little heart. For three months, we keep him a secret from the world out of an intense fear that this joyous occasion may not result in holding him in our arms and hearing his cry, but instead result in our tears and a baby who never got to see the world outside our womb.
Miscarriage is not something we often talk about because it's painful. For those who have never had a miscarriage, it is uncomfortable and also, sometimes painful. But these women are left to mourn quietly, if they allow themselves that luxury at all. Not acknowledging pregnancy during the first three is one of the biggest mistakes a woman in the pro-life community can make because she is doing herself, other women, and the unborn an injustice. Where we fight for every week and every day of life during gestation, we also hide life in it's most beautiful and delicate state. We encourage women who had abortions during their first trimester to mourn the loss of their child. In the same way, it is time for us to mourn the loss of those other children who are lost before twenty weeks. In Texas, it is legal to abort a baby before twenty weeks. Twenty weeks is generally accepted as the marker for viability. After twenty weeks, any child inside the womb that dies is a stillbirth child, and it is not a miscarriage. After twenty weeks, in the eyes of the Texas law and in the eyes of medical professionals, the baby is not of worth because it has a higher chance of survival outside of the womb.
If we advocate from life from conception, but do not announce are pregnancies until the second trimester aren't we doing a disservice to the sanctity of the life of that child during that time? Are we some how marginalizing the loss of the child? Do we allow ourselves to fully mourn? If we do not celebrate the life, how can we mourn the death? If we do not acknowledge our babies for those three months, are we valuing their lives?
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