Dennys // Husband // Plans

We were sitting in Denny's in late June of my senior year. It was our 'final' for calculus and we honestly did more work walking to Denny's than we had done all year in that class. Ten of us squeezed in a booth that was clearly only intended for four or six at most. Laughter and easy conversation filled the air. We felt infinite. There was incredible relief in knowing that in a matter of days we would be free of the purgatory known commonly as 'senior year'. We were playing a form of would you rather when one of the boys asks, "What five attributes do you want in a future spouse?" It sunk in there that the count down to graduation was in single digits now. We were all really close and it was bittersweet to get to know each other more over the course of this year. It was frightening to get close to people who would not be in our lives in a matter of months. We went around the table and people listed the usual attributes of physical attractiveness, money, etc. I put some serious thought into it and my palms sweated as I thought about it.  Although I had always been relationship minded, I had never seriously considered dating in high school because I knew that I was going to Texas and it wouldn't be realistic to fall for someone who I would not actually be with come fall. But it was the end of senior year and I was going to a school where MRS degrees and Ring by Spring were common enough to have newspaper articles and their own hashtag. It was time I seriously considered what I was looking for in a relationship, it was time I start my search for my husband. The reality of it was that I was not going to date someone I could not imagine marrying. A way to deter heartache is this list. If they do not match this list then they are not worth dating. Sitting in the booth at Denny's, I carefully typed this list out.

Perfect hubby

Strong Christian

Challenge/ foils me

Gentlemanly

Funny/understands my humor 

Honest/ open communication 

There are secondary traits, I suppose. I have a weakness for nice arm muscles, abs, and most importantly the blue-eyed/fair hair combination. I melt when I look into blue eyes and I don't even know how to deal with it. I want a man who loves the water. I want a man who knows how to handle me (to be a leader without making me feel like I am being controlled). Okay, that last one is actually vital to making the marriage work and not secondary, but I didn't write it when I was at Denny's for some reason (perhaps it is a combo of being honest, gentlemanly, and foiling/challenging me).

Sometimes I lose track of this and end up with boys that meet one or two things on the first and second list combined. I forget that dating with the intention of marriage not only means being intentional about the relationships I am in, but being intentional about the relationships I pursue. If I do not see a relationship at the end of whatever makeshift "hang out" we have, then I somehow justify lowering my standards. God has this wonderful plan for me. It might be that I get married to this man who meets everything on my list. It might be that I don't get married at all. I am trying to come to grips with the latter. I might not get married or have those kids I have desired since I knew that women were the mommys and mommys had kids. I know that God will satisfy me and if His plan is to have me marry someone, then that man will bring me closer to the Lord and not distract me from His plan.